YellowMobile Abduction

YellowMobile has, tragically, been abducted.

Stolen.  Those Bastards!

Ripped from her warm, cozy yuppie utopia in suburban Chicago and whisked away to some dark, scary, far off place.  Plucked in her yellow prime. Smuggled off.  And heartlessly hidden in some deep, dark, and terrifying place.  Of course it could only be…

deep in the frozen bovine bowels of rural Wisconsin.



Never… to be found… again.

Fortunately, I happened to be aboard at the time.



So, if you get this message, please pass it on to the appropriate authorities.  I’d offer some handsome reward for my speedy return but, as it turns out…

I kinda like it here.

First of all, there’s the people.

Yeah, they kind of sound like they may be the living counterparts to the movie Fargo, but they have proven to be the most warm, sincere, honest, wonderful people we could ever hope to meet.  I love them!  Truly!!

Not to mention the fact that I could really stand to loose this terrible Chicaaaaaago accent.  Just ask my daughter.

Then there’s the fact that it’s really different here.  Not just different.  but reeeeeeeeally different.  For instance, to blend in with the locals here, you have to wear camouflage.  Literally!

OK hun, I'm gonna go get the past and I'll meet you in the cheese isle

OK hun, I’m gonna go get the chips and I’ll meet you in the cheese isle

They even sell pink camo…

For the ladies!

For the ladies!

It’s either that or the Green Bay Packer jersey collection….


Yeah, I couldn’t find my size either

And if you’re wearing a polo, you’re definitely from Chicaaaaaaaago!

Then there’s the fact that everybody hunts here.  Everybody.  My wife has a lady work colleague who I’m pretty sure has shot more deer in her life, with her bow, than I’ve even seen in mine.

And I’ve seen a few…

And they fish.  Our wonderful neighbor Carol has fished her whole life here.  She generously offers us tips and advice and even invites us to dine on her amazing almond coated walleye.  Whenever we catch anything, we have to run it over to her place to ask what it is – and if we can eat it!  She’s so gracious that she’ll even bring it into her own kitchen to fillet it right then and there for us.

Of course we won’t find out until later that she never really eats that kind of fish but didn’t have the heart to tell us.

And they ice fish!  In fact there’s a competition here that turns lake Winnebago (a huge lake) into a frozen, floating city of fishing huts, snowmobiles, and Ford F-150 pickup trucks.  OK, I must admit that there’s something about sitting out in freezing temperatures, over a hole, in the ice, holding a fishing pole, that sounds really… unappealing to me.

But that’s just me.

And if that wasn’t enough, they’ve got another competition where you stand over your hole in the ice holding a trident – so you can spear sturgeon.  Yeah, I said trident.


How cool is that?!!

And there’s more…

But my callous captors are calling me to dinner (mmmmm venison!), so I’l have to go for now.  Please pass on my kind regards to the suburban yup-topia for me.

2 thoughts on “YellowMobile Abduction

  1. Great to read your blog again. I haven’t been blogging lately. Life and work has been too busy. I guess I should get less busy again and blog about some of my insanity. I guess now you will because a Cheese head. 🙂

  2. Wow, it’s great to hear from you again Kevin! Yeah, I’ve been a bit busy lately too. Funny how that happens. And, yes I’m a cheese head now and proud of it. It felt like coming home. Nice to shed some of the big city silliness. Of course, with the Green Bay Packers fans, there’s plenty of silliness to be had here. Well, the days are getting longer and we’re sliding down the backside of winter – we’ll just have to see what kind of trouble we can get into this year! All the best to you Kevin.


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