YellowMobile has, tragically, been abducted.
Stolen. Those Bastards!
Ripped from her warm, cozy yuppie utopia in suburban Chicago and whisked away to some dark, scary, far off place. Plucked in her yellow prime. Smuggled off. And heartlessly hidden in some deep, dark, and terrifying place. Of course it could only be…
deep in the frozen bovine bowels of rural Wisconsin.
Never… to be found… again.
Fortunately, I happened to be aboard at the time.
So, if you get this message, please pass it on to the appropriate authorities. I’d offer some handsome reward for my speedy return but, as it turns out…
I kinda like it here.
First of all, there’s the people.
Yeah, they kind of sound like they may be the living counterparts to the movie Fargo, but they have proven to be the most warm, sincere, honest, wonderful people we could ever hope to meet. I love them! Truly!!
Not to mention the fact that I could really stand to loose this terrible Chicaaaaaago accent. Just ask my daughter.
Then there’s the fact that it’s really different here. Not just different. but reeeeeeeeally different. For instance, to blend in with the locals here, you have to wear camouflage. Literally!
OK hun, I’m gonna go get the chips and I’ll meet you in the cheese isle
They even sell pink camo…
For the ladies!
It’s either that or the Green Bay Packer jersey collection….
Yeah, I couldn’t find my size either
And if you’re wearing a polo, you’re definitely from Chicaaaaaaaago!
Then there’s the fact that everybody hunts here. Everybody. My wife has a lady work colleague who I’m pretty sure has shot more deer in her life, with her bow, than I’ve even seen in mine.
And I’ve seen a few…
And they fish. Our wonderful neighbor Carol has fished her whole life here. She generously offers us tips and advice and even invites us to dine on her amazing almond coated walleye. Whenever we catch anything, we have to run it over to her place to ask what it is – and if we can eat it! She’s so gracious that she’ll even bring it into her own kitchen to fillet it right then and there for us.
Of course we won’t find out until later that she never really eats that kind of fish but didn’t have the heart to tell us.
And they ice fish! In fact there’s a competition here that turns lake Winnebago (a huge lake) into a frozen, floating city of fishing huts, snowmobiles, and Ford F-150 pickup trucks. OK, I must admit that there’s something about sitting out in freezing temperatures, over a hole, in the ice, holding a fishing pole, that sounds really… unappealing to me.
But that’s just me.
And if that wasn’t enough, they’ve got another competition where you stand over your hole in the ice holding a trident – so you can spear sturgeon. Yeah, I said trident.
How cool is that?!!
And there’s more…
But my callous captors are calling me to dinner (mmmmm venison!), so I’l have to go for now. Please pass on my kind regards to the suburban yup-topia for me.